This post was some time in coming, as personnel issues in the workplace are something to think twice about discussing on a public forum. However, I could certainly use advice.
I’ve had a female subordinate for several years. One that is willing to get dirty and do math, therefore the higher-ups are glad to have her on the payroll. I’ve worked closely with her on and off as work requires. Previously, she’s been professional and cooperative, if short on endurance in the field.
Over the last eight months, her attitude has disintegrated into what appears to be a personal vendetta against me. Endless criticism, endless argumentation, complaints that come out of nowhere, which broke into outright insubordination just before the Christmas break. Unacceptable, intolerable conduct.
The simple way to handle this would be reassigning her outside my supervisory control but I’ve already explored that option.
I’m not worried about getting #MeToo-ed. I’m well-defended and one defense I’ve activated is a paper trail in preparation for her termination if her insubordination continues. I have very limited tolerance for drama in the workplace; however, the powers that be don’t want to lose a STEM Girl so the situation is becoming political.
There are several potential factors:
- Her age is late 30s and her beauty has begun an obvious decline. Math aptitude notwithstanding, she’s an EPL girl with N>10, no interest in marriage and a growing collection of rescue pets.
- She lived with her father her entire life until several months before her behavior problems started. Office gossip didn’t give an exact date but said she wanted to “live more independent”.
- She occasionally cries at her desk and otherwise indicates via body language and habits that she has serious personal-life issues. I don’t know what and can’t safely find out.
My gut reading is that she’s targeting me because I’m the only male authority figure remaining in her life, and she’s been goading me in hopes that I’ll… God only knows… that I’ll be her surrogate Daddy or emotional tampon or something. What I’ve actually done thus far is patient endurance for the personal-life issue to pass, with a couple direct discussions to try and clear the air. With men, that works if they’re at all interested in continued employment. Not her.
So, my Red-Pill readers, what am I missing? Are there any solutions to be pursued other than getting her terminated for cause? (I don’t have authority to terminate her directly.) One thought I’ve had is contacting her father on the quiet but that could explode badly. Part of my sexual harassment shielding is the fact I’ve never shown the slightest personal interest in her.
Dear God, life is not worth living when it’s shared with a nag. I need a plan for the New Year.
i would not contact her father. i would not get involved at all. i would keep as many layers between the two of you as possible. i see absolutely nothing positive coming out of getting involved in any level with a woman who is obviously emotionally unstable. she is unpredictable.
my guesses … she’s pregnant … or was pregnant and got an abortion … or something else big that is biologically altering her hormones. she could be taking a different medication … taken herself off a medication … could even have cancer. if crying at her desk at work is becoming her normal, she’s done something that is so affecting her whole being she can no longer separate it and categorize it to do her work. also, if it’s this evident, everyone knows about it.
still … unless a situation comes up where you need to call for an ambulance, i’d avoid her. she sounds like a grenade with the pin already pulled.
Have you pulled in HR yet? Get that paper trail going with them. Maybe they can offer her a medical leave to get herself back together. That puts you in a place of advocating for her, and takes the emphasis off you for being the messenger of the incidences of insubordination and instability.
“still . unless a situation comes up where you need to call for an ambulance, i.d avoid her.”
Thank you, Ame. I was hoping my female readers would chime in. I’ll follow your advice to not get personally involved but sadly, I’m her direct boss and can’t transfer her.
“Have you pulled in HR yet?”
There is no HR. One of many reasons I like my current employment is the company owner does his own hiring & firing. That’s also why I’m a manager without authority to hire & fire. My default next step is going to him and formally complaining about the situation. I like to bring solutions with my problems… bosses are likely to follow the first solution they’re offered, a useful life hack I’ve learned… but that’s also why I’d rather not go with an “it’s her or me” ultimatum. Will he side with a 10-year department head or STEM Girl?
I’m prepared to move on, maybe it would even be best with Commiefornia going down the tubes, but then the next guy to take my place will have the same issue.
Yeah I’d have to agree with Ame as far as the speculation as to why she suddenly went beserk.
Could have been her leaving her father, could have been some chad you didn’t know about who was done with her body and couldn’t stand the nagging and it was her last chance, could have been a DL pregnancy that ended up a miscarriage or abortion.
‘My gut reading is that she.s targeting me because I.m the only male authority figure remaining in her life, and she.s been goading me in hopes that I.ll. God only knows. that I.ll be her surrogate Daddy or emotional tampon or something.’
It certainly could be called the ever present ‘fitness test’. My guess is since you haven’t either taken advantage of her sexually, turned into her emotional tampon, or gone caveman on her nagging…the patient enduring is working. I don’t think I could give you any better advice other than to keep doing what you are doing.
My guess is she’s a ticking time bomb and the best course of action is to not be near the boom.
20 years ago … a whole different story. unfortunately, in this cultural metoo-whatever-the-worst-thing-the-woman-says-for-any-reason, environment, you have no choice but to protect yourself. if you were a woman over her, you’d have more options. but i just don’t see any for you.
also … the chances that you could make an accurate educated guess as to what’s going on in her mind or with her life, are pretty slim. i’m always intrigued by how often this is true in life. we often know there’s ‘something,’ but we rarely guess right when trying to figure out what that ‘something’ is.
the most you can do for her is pray for her … and then you must protect yourself.
no one cares whether or not her statements, accusations, implications, etc, are true or not anymore. they latch onto the worst and run with it, and then the man is ruined. you have no protection.
it might be wise to let the boss know what’s going on, esp if he’s a man who doesn’t like to be surprised. that would be a call only you can make. sometimes there just isn’t a solution.
as far as leaving and passing her onto the next guy in charge … sounds like you’re saying that you’d be leaving something un-done, unfinished, incomplete, and you don’t like to do that?
how you handle it would have to be a ‘boots-on-the-ground’ call, as they say. letting the boss man know ahead of time or not. passing the info down, or not.
and then … she might resolve this herself and get it together, and it all becomes a non-issue.
tragic we live in a time when one woman changes the whole environment and trajectory of everyone around her, and she doesn’t even have to be accountable for herself or her actions or her behavior or her words. very tragic.
“as far as leaving and passing her onto the next guy in charge . sounds like you.re saying that you.d be leaving something un-done, unfinished, incomplete, and you don.t like to do that?”
She would likely transfer her frustrations/Daddy issues to the next guy, is all. I’m by far the most Red Pilled of the company, therefore the guy most likely to correct the situation. That’s the male fix-it instinct… if only I can fix the problem then I have a duty to fix the problem. But I know to not let it get out of hand, that’s how Bucky Betas are made.
Sigh ..
Buddy .. she’s upset you haven’t done what every other dude has done .. CHAD her up.
You’re her boss. She wants a firm hand and a fling with the boss. These wimminz are distructive to themselves and everyone in their path.
Write her up for (fill in the blank) .. and don’t stop documenting your interactions with her.
PS .. These wimminz want saving from themselves .. except they resent you at tge same time because you’re male and have a p3nis. Even if you could make her happy .. it would never last because they associate drama and the freak show as (desired) normal behavior.
Break contact brother .. she’s not worth your sanity.
if only I can fix the problem then I have a duty to fix the problem.
it has to be fixable, though.
not sure this is.
that would be what you need to determine … if it can be fixed … then if you’re the person who can do that … and if not, how/when to walk away.
you do not want to be on the next viral youtube video, even if it’s all lies, just b/c some female had it in for you and *could* and *did* do stupid in the midst of hormonal/emotional/whatever drama.
She occasionally cries at her desk and otherwise indicates via body language and habits that she has serious personal-life issues. I don.t know what and can.t safely find out.
Minefield.
My client was experiencing profound personal problems at the time referenced by these performance evaluations, and none of her supervisors took enough interest in her well being to inquire about it; they merely documented her perceived shortcomings and are now attempting to use that as an excuse to wrongfully terminate her employment. If the leadership at her place of employment was more attentive and effective…whatever, numerous words, quack, quack.
You have to find a way to document the performance issues, but also the efforts made by management to help her. Double CYA in effect. Time to bring boss man in on it due to your concerns for her personal well being, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Hmm, good thinking Lost Patrol. I should document my responses as well as her actions.
‘ These wimminz want saving from themselves .. except they resent you at tge same time because you.re male and have a p3nis. ‘
Or as I like to call it…they like it when you are a man until they don’t like that you are a man.
But that’s what happens when you take the path of the carousel, contraception, and anti-dep meds. The body, mind, and spirit are split personalities.
You’ve received some great advice from Ame and Lost Patrol. Our company gives problem employees two options: be on corrective action for six months or take six months’ pay with termination and a signature on a contract agreeing not to sue in exchange for six months’ pay. I’d pitch this idea to the boss. It’s easy to have a lawyer draw up such a contract and pay this woman to leave agreeing not to sue rather than fire her the old-fashioned way, even if it’s what she deserves.
Interesting you ask, because I am in the inverse type of situation. This is not a complete answer, but may get you thinking.
Jocko Wilinck – become familiar with him, and his book. 1- protect yourself with any documentation, etc. Delete this post, regardless of your perception of anonymity. Do not contact her outside of the workplace, her father, or friends. Personal life is not your business.
Also, examine your past actions. When people start to get super cautious, other people sense it, and they clam up – so two people feed off of each other. This becomes a downward spiral.
Communication can be the way to solve the issue: As questions like: How are you doing (with work life), is everything alright? Do you enjoy working here?
Consider: this person may hate their work, or the environment. It may not meet their expectations for a career/job.
By the time you reach that point, you have destroyed any working relationship, and poisoned the well. Its a nuclear option. I also presume your company has a review process where a person is given multiple chances, etc., before getting to that point.
Depending on circumstances, if an employee is broken down and cannot function at work, I would ask them to take a day off- sick leave, mental health leave, or vacation. If able, maybe just paid leave, so long as its not constant, and not abused – The work environment will be better off without drama around, and most humans would appreciate a small gesture of 8 hours off to deal with life. Even if you gave a person several days, it is less costly than working in a negative environment, and potentially litigious environment. Just doing an office lunch once every other month with a few people can really make people enjoy their work
not every moment of life interaction requires mgtow analysis
also, do not engage in personal discussions. If it goes there, say: you may want to talk to HR (if available), or if they need time off for counseling you will be happy to work around their schedule.
I appreciate the feedback .. (BFYTW)
Have a nice day.