Fathers Of Daughters And No Sons, hat tip to Feeriker from dalrock.wordpress.com/2017/11/24/it-tastes-better-that-way/
There was a lengthy debate in that thread with Jeff Strand humble-bragging about his NAWALT daughters, how he expects them to command a high price in the marital marketplace and how & how likely that is to backfire on him very badly.
First off, I’m going to reduce patriarchy and Christianity to the most simple, direct and fundamental principle possible: young men, I’m talking 18-22ish, have a divine right to a wife. That means they deserve one without proving their worthiness, ability to afford a family and so on.
Jeff was not pleased. Any father of daughters reading this probably isn’t, either.
But the Christian explanation for this is as simple as “testosterone”. Young men need sex. Forcing them to go without sex until they’re 30 when an alternative is available is cruel and inhumane. Because of Biblical sex standards, that alternative… the only alternative… is a young, barely-legal wife.
The one caveat is that this specific guy does not deserve that specific girl. It’s okay for a father to pick and choose the best pre-college man he can find but it’s indefensible cruelty for him to hold out for a older man with status and a full bank account.
The parallel with Christian life is obvious. We pledge loyalty to Christ at a point in time when He is weak and largely helpless for the trials we face. He isn’t here and both Church and State are busy taking full advantage of it. In time, however, Christ will be recognized as God & King and those of us who remained loyal without reward, especially from a young age, will be very glad we did.
Marriage was designed by God to reflect this reality. When God made us “in His image, male and female” he meant this more than bilateral symmetry and bipedal locomotion. Ideal marriage is between two young lovers, he unproven and she with many options courting her ass, yet loyal to him.
Therefore, the Christian father has a duty to God Himself to prepare his daughters for marriage to a hopeful, local young man in order to reflect Christ within his family. No waiting for a suitor’s promotion to O-5 or scouring the globe for a virtuous Alpha.
If an 18yo man knows he’s got no chance until 28yo then a bitter ghost is a more likely result than a devout football celebrity. This also reflects Christian reality… the reality of Christ’s attitude towards unrepentant humanity on Judgment Day. How can a loving God create Hell? By going through the same emotions as an unsexy but hard-working man who starved for affection until his soul grew cold.
For a Biblical case, look at Matthew 10:37,42. “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.” Using your daughter to help a fellow Christian be sexually moral is a perfect fit to what Christ is commanding here.
The issue of sexual morality is truly this simple. Sex within marriage or not at all, and if a man is forced to wait until sex is no longer a driving force in his life then there aren’t going to be many happy families.
Countering this ideal, there is no man closer to the mindset of Adam, who literally turned his back on God to please a woman in rebellion, than the Fathers Of Daughters And No Sons. It is natural that he should want the best for his kids. It is unnatural, in fact a heinous evil, for him to demand suitors of similar value to his daughters. This is because men peak a decade later than women… and forcing men to go that decade with their balls in a jar is morally indefensible. But FODANS doesn’t care about those men. It’s hard without being able to see the pain in his own son’s eyes. He cares only for “me and mine”, and becomes a perfect example of why fatherhood would be a crime against God had God not made a special allowance in 1 Cor. 7. (It’s better to not get married but not a sin if you do.)
I personally don’t understand the FODANS attitude. Men are superior to women physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually so why not raise a daughter to trade her for a son at the earliest opportunity? Why be horrified at the idea of finding a kid with potential and investing in him? Wouldn’t such a kid be more likely to become a high-status man than a kid who started at zero and was actively preyed upon by society? (Hello, student debt!)
Patriarchy means you invest in sons. Matriarchy means you invest in daughters, as if women can ever be truly happy in the first place. But FODANS like Jeff are horrified at the very idea that the best future their daughter can have is being a skilled lover for an engineering nerd who can’t afford his own education.
And not just horrified. FODANS would rather see their daughters become spinsters than ‘Quasimodo’s sex toy’. Almighty God will not be pleased that they put their daughters ahead of Christian morality & charity.
Meanwhile, we men might as well go MGTOW. If neither girls nor Daddies will give you a look until you’re successful and lootable then you’d be a damned fool to get married at that point, as your sex drive begins to ebb with age. You know, you’ve seen, you’ve experienced that they don’t want you. They want your wallet and status.
If you can manage it, fellow Christian, if you don’t get married before your hormones start to weaken then don’t ever get married. Not even if a unicorn comes along. There’s a younger man than you who <i>needs</i> that chick and you’ll be doing the Lord’s work by crushing the FODANS’ immoral schemes of delayed marriage.
I can see a father not liking the idea that the proper role for his daughter is (largely) to fulfill the sexual desires of her husband.
But, from where do we take our principles? If a man truly takes his principles from Scripture, then he will live that out. This includes acceptance that we have different roles; women are not to be men. Passages like Numbers 1:51 and Numbers 18:7 are favourites, as they show God demanding that we accept that certain people are not ALLOWED to be in certain roles — and the punishment for non-acceptance of these commands from God is death.
Similarly, men are to have different roles than women. Meaning also, that women are to have a different role than men. The proper role for a young woman includes several things, but one element is to provide sexually for her husband. Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Cor 7:1-9 and Song of Songs make this clear.
You know, in close to 40 years of “church” services, I do not recall ever hearing a sermon on the ideas above.
“I can see a father not liking the idea that the proper role for his daughter is (largely) to fulfill the sexual desires of her husband.”
This is almost certainly where Patriarchy first went off the rails. It’s one thing to want the best for your daughter; another to accept that what is best for her is not what she wants.
‘Trade her for a son’ is how I look at it. A son is a much better investment; give him a young daughter and help him get a career going, and he’ll be grateful to you for life and grow up to be everything she could reasonably want. Men used to be proud to have proteges and apprentices… what happened?